Wow, its been a long time. Life is crazy, overwelming, depressing and happy and all those feeling can happen all in one day. Morgan is still at Lutherwood residential facility and continuing to make progress. He has now been there for 8 months and will continue to be there until May or June. It has been a slow progress but still progress has been made and praising God for that progress everyday.
During this time, I have learned a few things about myself. 1.. I have never really dealt with my past as a teenager. Some things happened to me that I suppressed and ultimately has affected my relationships with my husband and children. 2... Since discovering and working through things with my son, I learned I was having just as much of a problem with attaching to Morgan as he was to me. I just couldn't forgive the unthinkable and couldn't look at him without feeling a ton of horrible feelings. 3... I started to hate myself for having those feelings for my son, become very depressed and just couldn't function. I have since been put on anti-depressant medication and feeling much better. 4..... I learned I needed to forgive him, forgive me and forgive others from my past before being able to function the way I need too. While I have not totally dealt with my past, I recently came to believe that I have moved on in a healthy way. God said, Ok, Em... yes this horrible things happed but you have 3 children that need your guidance. God said "Give it to me and I will take this on for you. I feel so much better.... I can function, I calmed and doing my best to take 1 day at a time.
The girls have really thrived, they are more calm, more fun and for the most part simply happy. Seeing them grow spiritually, emotionally and physically has been absolutly amazing. Of course, they are still confused, scared, mad and sad but they have done an amazing job at communicating with us. They will continue working with the girls amazing therapist till the end. Oh and let me tell you... This therapist is truly a God-Send. She has joined our support team, allowed us to call her at home and has counseled Shawn and I as well. She is a woman of God and applies the lords teachings in her counseling. We LOVE her!!!! We will all continue to have good and bad days but overall we are pleased with how things are progressing.
I have also taken on a job which helps financially a little bit. I work as office manager for a friend who owns Klingaman Engine Service. Bookkeeping is definitly my cup of tea and throughly enjoy doing something for me that I love. Things are more than stressful with the wife but I try to just go in, do my job, come home and be there 100% for my children. I also must say... before being hired I told my boss "my kids come 1st, if you work with me I will work with you".... and he has exactly done that. He is very understanding when i need to leave to take my kids to the doc, therapist, etc. He gets it and respects me for it. He is such a blessing to me!!!!
Well, I guess I should get ready for therapy. I promise to do better at blogger and keep you all updated.
Thanks everyone for all your support and prayers!!!
